she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
