I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
