in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
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he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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