I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
