Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
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we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
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It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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