Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
