I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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