Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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