The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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