Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i think i just lost a toe
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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