hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we're making bets on your personal life
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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