the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
