SEEEEXXX PLEASE
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
