If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
