all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
