I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
