I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
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I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
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Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
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