I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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