I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
