She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
