so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
