There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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