it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
