At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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