The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
