i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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