haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So I just went to clothing optional bar
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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