don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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