i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
