Whoa Z and x make the same sound
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
