i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
