Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
