Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
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The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
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I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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