bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
