I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
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She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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