saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
