and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
