It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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