I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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