omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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