I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
