tell your sister to shave her snatch
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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