I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
