Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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