A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
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I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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