after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
MIDGETS
????
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
