Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
