I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
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I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
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Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize