Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
