she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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