I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
babies were throwing up all over the place
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen