yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
We don't watch enough power rangers
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.