The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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