I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.