peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.