You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
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Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
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Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...