My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
