Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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