If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
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