dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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