Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
