so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
