Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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