Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
two words: eviction party
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
