Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
