I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
